Struggling with body image is not your fault
Can we talk about shame and body image for a bit?
I was having a chat the other day about how self worth, bodies and food are all intrinsically linked, particularly for women. We feel bad if we go back for seconds, we feel sloppy if we havn't done exercise all week, we feel unworthy of the effort it takes to prepare a fresh wholesome meal, we cringe and feel disgusted about ourselves when we try on a too tight top in the change rooms. I'm getting uncomfortable thinking about all the words we say to ourselves on a daily basis that relates to guilt and humiliation around ourselves and our bodies. I see it often in my clients; talking about all these things provokes further shame for being so hard on themselves. We, women, have evolved to want to compare and compete, strive to be noticed, look like we've got it together, feel like we have it together. Shame is like that. Feeling that in order to be loved and accepted we need to perfect and have our life together. That we will be successful only when we've overcome our insecurities, we will be loveable only when we can fit into a certain size, we will make more friends only when we are more funny, pretty and popular.
I believe these intense feelings and unrealistic expectations stem largely from our society that presents women as flawless, smart, beautiful, toned, sleek, refreshed, educated, busy, I could go on and on. We begin to compare ourselves to this standard and see where we fall short and start trying to change those areas we don't feel we match up - our body shape, our teeth, our hair, our home, even our sense of humour!
The thing is most of us know that a lot of these things can't be changed. We most likely will always carry with us our natural trait that we have been given since birth. What we don't know is that these changes we strive to make do not equal that expected outcome. A woman who wants to be able to wear a sleek dress and go out and order what she wants and enjoy a good time with friends is not going to get that from spending hours at the gym and restricting what she is eating. She is going to get that social experience from taking care in choosing clothing that makes her feel good and comfortable, from having enough energy to have good conversations, from knowing she can choose to eat the most satisfying food. Therefore instead of altering and avoiding there is acceptance. Accepting where you are now, your limitations, your strengths, accepting your imperfections and not letting those stop you from embracing life fully. Here are three ways to help you do that.
Become aware of your body and accept it right now
Because body image is all about perceiving your body against an ideal we need to start perceiving our body as it is. Right now. Take a little inventory of your body and write some facts down. Be your bodies own archeologist. Start slow and simple if this exercise is too daunting. For example brown eyes, short, pale skin to things like enjoys bike riding, functions best with 9 hours sleep. This way you are acknowledging your body for what it is and what it likes rather than what you think it should be. Get into the habit of knowing your body more each day. For example, before you exercise, ask yourself what would feel best. Before you eat something, ask yourself if thats what you truly feel like. Each person is so different because we are. Start to embrace those things that make you you.
Get rid of all social media that is triggering negative body image
Body image is largely shaped by what we view, therefore it makes a lot of sense to not see anything that is going to spiral into feeling bad about your body. Try to reduce how much time you spend on social media or do way with it all together for a few weeks. Make a note of the difference you feel. From there you can determine what you want to let in, considering the influence it has. Alternatively follow accounts that embrace body diversity and send out positive messages.
Take care of yourself and give yourself what you need
A lot of us feel guilty or selfish for putting ourselves first and this leads to further shaming thoughts. The thing is, we are worthy to have our needs met. In fact, it is essential to look after ourselves. Many of my clients are constantly looking after others and put off the things they truly would like to do. In many cases this leads to basic needs such as making time to prepare a meal or go for a walk being put on the back burner. Make a list of things that make you feel good and start to include a few of them every day. My 'feel good' list includes a walk on the beach, reading a good book, fresh flowers, painting my nails, having a morning off to do whatever I like, exploring new places, coffee with a friend. It doesn't have to be implicated. Once again, take note of differences you feel once you start doing more of what you enjoy.
By moving more fully into who we are, we are in the best possible place to cultivate happiness and make changes towards whole body health. We are not defenceless against body shame. We can become equipped to love ourselves and live courageously as imperfect yet beautiful women. If you would like to learn more about body image and body acceptance please get in touch. I'd love to hear from you.